What Your Body Language Should Be

“Feet apart!” the instructor yelled.

He kicked my right foot to move it further away from my left foot.

“Ow!” I said.  “Why are you kicking me?”

“Dude,” exclaimed the instructor, “Your feet are too close together!  You have to have a
broad stance to project your ALPHA ENERGY.”

“But my feet are already shoulder- length apart,” I said.  “Any wider and I’ll look like
I’m straddling a horse.  Besides, who’s going to be looking at my feet in here?”

I gestured to the scene around me.  We were in the Saddle Ranch, a cowboy/western bar
in Hollywood famous for its mechanical bull which drunk girls would ride for the bar’s
amusement.  It was a Thursday night, and the place was packed.

I was taking my first in-field workshop.  My instructor, a rather nervous looking kid with
spiky red hair and high, squeaky voice was trying to instruct me.

“Dude, you serious?” he said.  “Girls NOTICE shoes, dude.  They look at your feet!”

“Okay, fine,” I said.

“Shoulders back,” he continued.  “Leave your hands at your side.  Don’t put them in your
pockets.”

“This doesn’t feel right,” I said.

“But it looks right, that’s what matters!” said my instructor.  “You have to be ALPHA!
Otherwise girls aren’t going to waste their time with you.”

With that, my instructor left to fix the feet of another student.  I stood in the middle of the
bar, feet spread apart, shoulders back, standing up straight, with my arms at my side.  A
cute little redhead carrying two beers passed me by, and stopped, looking at me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I replied.  “Why?”
“You’re standing funny,” she smiled.

“I’m trying to be alpha,” I grinned.

She laughed.  “Well, good luck with that,” she said as she walked off.

I watched her go thinking, “Wow, I got a girl to talk to me just by the way I stood!”  My
instructor may not have been giving the best directions, but the idea behind them was a
powerful one.

We all communicate on many different levels.  The way we use our body speaks just as
loudly about us as our words do.

See, your appearance is part of your Body Language.

Not the appearance you’re born with, however, but the way you shape how you look.  It
is through how you rearrange your appearance that you transmit your sexuality to others.

When you see a beautiful woman with an average or below-average guy, and you ask her
why she finds him attractive, she may say something along the lines of “I don’t know.
It’s just something about him that he has… like an energy or an aura.”

Actually, it’s nothing of the sort.

In part, it’s how a man dresses that communicates certain things to a woman:  the type of
shirt you wear, the pants you put on, the jackets and ties you don, your hairstyle, the way
you shape your facial hair if you have any, the length of your sideburns, your tan, the
whiteness of your teeth – all these factors contribute to the immediate image people get
of you when they first see you.  But even more important than these things is how you
stand and how you walk.

When you move, move with grace.  I’m not talking about a ballerina type of grace here,
but rather an “arrogant” sort of grace that will garner attention.

In fact, you can directly translate arrogant grace into “macho swagger.”

Think of the way Russell Crow, Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, and Mel Gibson walk, and you’ll
get an idea of what this is.  Its standing straight, shoulders slightly back (not hunched
over), walking and moving with an easy confidence that’s sure to get people’s attention.

Keep your hands out of your pockets.  When you put hands in your pockets, you look like
you have something to hide.

By the same token, don’t cross your arms.  Crossed arms make you look guarded and
stand-offish.

If you’re looking for something to do with your hands, lock your thumbs in your belt
above your pants pockets, with your fingers pointing down to your crotch.  If you lean up
against a wall or a bar, thrust your hips forward slightly (not too much, remember to be
subtle!).  This is a stance meant to communicate male sexuality.

You may think this is funny, me giving you advice witch is basically the equivalent of
“Point to your dick!!!!”  But look at the psychology behind it.

How many times have you seen this type of pose on TV or in the movies?  Not by the
hero, of course, but by the sexy bad boys that women so often swoon for?  When the bad
boys do it, it signals to everyone who sees them “I’m a sexual threat.  I am a dangerous
man for a woman to want to be with.  I am a man and I make no apologies for what I
want!”

On a smaller scale, this is exactly what you are communicating as well.  But in the bigger
picture, your goal should be to cultivate an aura of sexuality that will fascinate the
available women around you.

Don’t be afraid to take up space.  Especially if you’re in a crowded area.  You can
communicate this in how you stand and how you sit.

Stand straight up, shoulders back, legs shoulder-length apart, and hold your ground.
Don’t let others crowd you.

Too often, men will shrink their personal bubble in crowded areas so as not to touch
others.  Don’t do this.  Make physical contact with those around you and take up space.
This communicates a type of dominance to others, when they see others giving you the
space you want.

When you sit, lounge.  Be comfortable.  Sling your arm around the back of the chair.
Expose your crotch.  Lean back.  Show you’re at home with where you are.  (Note:  This
doesn’t mean you have to sit like this constantly.  Just communicate that you’re
comfortable).

Part of doing this is learning how to read a woman’s body language as well as projecting
yours.  Learn to size up the women around you and figure out who’s interested.  Look at
the way they stand or sit.  Make your choice and catch her eye.  If she’s interested, you’ll
see her respond to you in some fashion.  If she doesn’t, you might want to consider
moving on to a different target.

Be aware of how her body responds to you while you’re talking.  Are her arms clasped
defensively?  Open your arms up in response.  Is her posture stiff and rigid?  Relax your
body as you talk to her.  Is her face drawn tight?  Smile at her and relax your look.

In other words:  Answer her body signals with opposite and complimentary signals of
your own.

This works because you are essentially brushing aside her bad body language and
intruding with your own.

Unconsciously, other people want to open up with you, you just need to make them feel
comfortable enough to do so.  When you respond with the opposite body language, you
communicate to the woman you’re with that you’re relaxed and open, and that it’s safe
for her to do the same.

Learning how to use your body to communicate your feelings and attitude to others can
be a powerful thing.  It is important that you be comfortable with your body and how you
present yourself to others.

Everything I’ve listed above is a guideline on how to use your body to convey sexuality
and confidence.  But in the end, if you FEEL sexy and confident, your body will naturally
portray that.

If you don’t feel sexy and confident, use your body to portray those traits, and your
emotions will follow your body there.

Remember:  You have control over your body.  Use it to communicate the right
things.

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